Power Relations and Children

I had some interesting things to study this week in my marriage class. I have really loved reading M. Russell Ballard’s book Counseling with our Councils. I’ve had to read parts of it for a couple different classes, and every time I read from it, I come away with wanting to implement some aspect of it in my life. I have been able to use it in my church calling multiple times this semester. I also read an article called Who is the Boss? Power Relationship in Families, that was given at a BYU Conference on Family Life. Additionally, I also read a talk by Henry B. Eyring that was given in 1998, That We May Be One. I love how all of these materials can help me become a better disciple of Christ and improve my relationships!
Adding children to the picture changes everything! Relationships change. Have you ever seen when a child works his parents against the other one? I get caught in this one all the time and I’m not a parent! My nephew will ask me for a popsicle. I tell him he’s got to ask his mom or dad, which he does outside of my hearing, and comes running back to say they said yes. So, I get it out for him, and he’s happily licking away at that popsicle when his mom or dad comes in, and says, “I told you no!” I feel like I’m the one in trouble! He bashfully looks at me, and keeps tasting away. They are smart little people!

Richard Miller, Director of the School of Family Life at BYU, said, “In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents are the ‘executive committee’ and the ‘board of directors’ of a family. As with any other leadership position, parents should not be harsh, domineering, or dictatorial, but they are the leaders of the family, and the children need to follow that leadership” (Miller, 2008). Parents need to be united in their purpose.

I knew a family where the parents were never on the same page as far as their parenting ideas went. The mother tried to be active in the church and wanted her kids to be raised in it, as well. The father supported that, and went with occasionally, but he was quick to not have rules that need to be followed. These teenage kids had the opportunity to choose to follow rules, go to church, etc., or not have any of those restrictions and party all of the time. It’s interesting to see how the irregularity of how they were brought up has turned out.
We need to turn toward each other and council together. Decisions on how to raise kids should be decided together, and then followed. Children that have no rules tend to feel unsafe. Having the stability of rules helps them to feel loved. “Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony … The Spirit of God never generates contention. … It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family ... at peace depend on unified souls” (Eyring, 1998). A unified partnership is the best way to create a wonderful family!

References
Eyring, H. B. (1998, April). That We May Be One . Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1998/04/that-we-may-be-one.p11?lang=eng
Miller, R. B. (2008). Who is the boss? power relationship in families. Provo: BYU Conference and Workshops.

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