Pride in Marriage

This week our focus has been on pride. What a topic! In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman 4th principle is “Let Your Partner Influence You” (Gottman, 2015). That is an interesting idea that I believe sounds easier than it really is. How many of you think that your way is the only way? Is it hard to let someone else have a say?
The funny thing is that often people think that they are letting their significant other influence them. For example, a couple I know of have talked about remodeling their kitchen. They have discussed that it is something that needs to be done. In their twenty-five plus years of marriage the pattern is always the same. They talk about it, decide it needs to be done, then the husband is unsure of how to complete the task, so everything is put on hold, and nothing gets done. If, however, the wife decides to go out and get a bid for the kitchen, then tells the husband the proposed cost, he gives the go ahead, and things get to progress. Yet, she doesn’t feel like it’s okay with him for her to move ahead on such a pricy project, because they should make these decisions as a couple. Instead of his allowing her to get a bid, nothing gets done because of his insecurities. Although she tries, she’s unable to influence him to move forward.
“The wives of men who accept their influence are far less likely to be harsh with their husbands when broaching a difficult marital topic. This increases the odds their marriage will thrive” (Gottman, 2015). Wouldn’t that make a better home life? Why do we struggle to allow someone’s influence into our lives?
Ezra Taft Benson said, “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C.S. Lewis: ‘Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only our of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.’ (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109-10.)” (Benson, 1989). This talk was given in the April 1989 General Conference. It applies so much to our day and age. It says, “The central feature of pride is enmity- enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us” (Benson, 1989).
Satan wishes us to argue, dislike each other, and be unhappy. Pride has a way of creeping in at the moment we let the natural man take over. It’s so easy to let it affect you. “When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment” (Benson, 1989). Choosing to look to our spouse and let him or her influence us makes us better people. President Russell M. Nelson said in the most recent Priesthood session of General Conference, “Pray to have your heart attuned to your wife’s heart. Seek to bring her joy. Seek her counsel, and listen. Her input will improve your output” (Nelson, 2019).
References
Benson, E. T. (1989, April). Beware of Pride. Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Gottman, J. M. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.
Nelson, R. M. (2019, April). We Can Do Better and Be Better. Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/36nelson?lang=eng

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