This week my class has been studying the topic of cherishing your spouse. I can’t think of anything more important than cherishing each other.

One of the books I read talked about a couple where the husband was an amazing doctor, and devoted so much of his life to his work, often sleeping at the hospital. When he was home, he didn’t even know the name of their dog. Pretty ridiculous. He was completely disconnected from his family. The wife wanted to surprise him for a holiday meal, and brought their children to the hospital to have a meal together. He was mad and embarrassed. He got a call from a patient, and was very kind to the patient. His wife realized that his negative behavior was only towards her. What a disappointment!

This is where the author introduced love maps. “… Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map- my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life” (Gottman, 2015). What’s relevant information you would know?

• What are his/her stresses right now?
• What food can he/she not stand to eat?
• Who’s his/her best friend (outside of the two of you)?
• What’s happening at work? Did he/she just hire someone new? How’s that going?

Knowing the ins and outs of each other and having inside jokes is such an important aspect of a healthy relationship.

“Companionship in marriage is prone to become commonplace and even dull. I know of no more certain way to keep it on a lofty and inspiring plane than for a man occasionally to reflect upon the fact that the helpmeet who stands at his side is a daughter of God, engaged with [God] in the great creative process of bringing to pass His eternal purposes. I know of no more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement. The very processes of such actions will cultivate a constantly rewarding appreciation for one another” (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 19).

I love seeing how couples interact when they are happy and healthy. There’s nothing cuter than a husband that knows that his wife has had a hard day and brings home something special just letting her know that he has been thinking about her. Even little texts occasionally throughout the day strengthens that relationship. There’s nothing worse than knowing you’re being ignored. The doctor’s wife in the beginning of the chapter felt like he didn’t care. He made no effort to strengthen their relationship. There’s no staying at the same place, you are either progressing or digressing. When you choose to cherish your spouse and she chooses to cherish you, you are progressing into who you’re meant to be, together, and there’s nothing better than a power couple that’s strong and loving!

References
Gottman, J. M. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. (19, May 29). Responding to challenges through positive communication. Retrieved from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: https://www.lds.org/study/manual/marriage-and-family-relations-instructors-manual/part-a-strengthening-marriages/lesson-5-responding-to-challenges-through-positive-communication?lang=eng&clang=ara

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