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Hot Topics in Marriage!

This semester we’ve talked about types of relationships, how to turn towards one another, and how to build better marriages. This week we included in-law relations and finances. Two, sometimes, very hot topics! The meshing of two people together, coming from completely different backgrounds is hard! Discussing how you are going to proceed in your marriage in relationship to in-laws and finances is important! I hate discussing finances! I tend to not like to talk about things that I don’t feel very educated about. I’m sure that’s not too unusual. I remember growing up, I knew that my Grandpa Dan paid cash for every car he ever bought! I don’t remember really sitting down with my mom and talking about her finances. I remember one time overhearing her talking to some insurance guy right after my dad died, and whatever number she was talking about seemed really high, and I thought we’d never be able to afford that. But really, I have no idea what she was talking about, I just remember
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Power Relations and Children

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I had some interesting things to study this week in my marriage class. I have really loved reading M. Russell Ballard’s book Counseling with our Councils. I’ve had to read parts of it for a couple different classes, and every time I read from it, I come away with wanting to implement some aspect of it in my life. I have been able to use it in my church calling multiple times this semester. I also read an article called Who is the Boss? Power Relationship in Families, that was given at a BYU Conference on Family Life. Additionally, I also read a talk by Henry B. Eyring that was given in 1998, That We May Be One. I love how all of these materials can help me become a better disciple of Christ and improve my relationships! Adding children to the picture changes everything! Relationships change. Have you ever seen when a child works his parents against the other one? I get caught in this one all the time and I’m not a parent! My nephew will ask me for a popsicle. I tell him he’s got
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Fidelity

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This week in my Marriage class we have been studying about fidelity and physical intimacy. There was a lot of great reading involved. One that stuck out to me was an article written by Kenneth W. Matheson, a professor at BYU, called “Fidelity in Marriage: It’s More Than You Think”. It talks of a couple where the wife has a “special” work friend (Matheson, 2009). This stuck out to me, because I had a friend that was my “special” work friend, but we were both single. I could understand how you get to the point of being so close to someone at work. She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. They talked a lot. They knew what was going on at work and it was easy to discuss things. Then it turned into hanging out during breaks and the occasional lunch break. She didn’t see anything wrong with sending him personal emails and text messages outside of work (Matheson, 2009). Is that a form of infidelity? It certainly leads to more. Matheson included some questions to consider when a
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Charity in Marriage

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This week’s studies covered lots of things like how to overcome gridlock, charity, and having a change of heart. What is gridlock? (Photo Credit:  Wikipedia)  “To navigate your way out of gridlock, you have to first understand that no matter how seemingly insignificant the issue, gridlock is a sign that you each have dreams for your life that the other isn’t aware of, hasn’t acknowledged, or doesn’t respect. By dreams I mean the hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life” (Gottman, 2015). Gottman discusses how there will always be issues that are perpetual throughout your marriage. Some examples would be that one spouse wants to live a life full of travel and fun, while the other spouse wants to live a life of security, with lots of money in the bank for the “what ifs?” in life. If they can get to the reason why they feel the way they do, it’s easier to compromise. Maybe the adventurer spouse was brought up never g
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Forgiveness and Consecration in Marriage

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This week’s studying in school has been on managing conflict within a marriage and consecrating ourselves. John M. Gottman said that 69% of marital conflicts fall into the category of “perpetual problems” (Gottman, 2015). That’s quite a bit! Perpetual conflicts could be how to raise your children, what church to attend, how family traditions should be done, etc. When one spouse wants to make every holiday big and spectacular and the other spouse thinks holidays are lame, how do you deal with that? There are two generalized reactions that happen. Either you both stick to your guns and continue to argue about it, which leads to distancing yourselves from each other; or you compromise. Is this problem worth the distancing? Gottman came up with a “new model for resolving conflict in a loving relationship, it comprises of five steps: 1. Soften your start-up. 2. Learn to make and receive repair attempts. 3. Soothe yourself and each other. 4. Compromise. 5. Process any grievan
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Pride in Marriage

This week our focus has been on pride. What a topic! In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman 4th principle is “Let Your Partner Influence You” (Gottman, 2015). That is an interesting idea that I believe sounds easier than it really is. How many of you think that your way is the only way? Is it hard to let someone else have a say? The funny thing is that often people think that they are letting their significant other influence them. For example, a couple I know of have talked about remodeling their kitchen. They have discussed that it is something that needs to be done. In their twenty-five plus years of marriage the pattern is always the same. They talk about it, decide it needs to be done, then the husband is unsure of how to complete the task, so everything is put on hold, and nothing gets done. If, however, the wife decides to go out and get a bid for the kitchen, then tells the husband the proposed cost, he gives the go ahead, and things get to progress
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Turning Toward One Another

I love the topic of study for this week! It’s “staying emotionally connected.”  I think this is such an important topic! Have you ever talked to a couple that recently are empty-nesters? We’ve all seen movies where the wife is all of a sudden worried, because they don’t know if they are going to like being “just a couple” after the time of raising a family. In the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , John Gottman stresses the importance turning toward each other. He talks about how people think that going on a two week vacation to the Bahamas is enough to strengthen, or even save, a marriage. It’s actually the little things that are going to matter in the long run. “It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life” (Gottman, 2015). He said that there are two obstacles to turning toward your spouse. One is “’missing’ a bid because it’s wrapped in anger or other negative emotions” and the second is “being distracted b
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